Ok, I need to vent for a minute and I know the internet is not usually the best place. However, I think more than a few people can probably relate.
Imagine that you are a full time stay at home parent working to get your small business off the ground. You have a full 3 hours of alone time coming up once you drop your screaming children off at camp. No interruptions! You can already feel how productive you will be once you get there. There's even a quiet space with tables in the lobby for your work area. It's perfect.
You make it to drop off and set up everything for your cozy little work space. As you pick up your pencil to actually start working, your phone rings. It's your spouse who took the other car to get its camera fixed. He didn't realize how long the repair would take and needs you to come pick him up.
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Now, I imagine that would be frustrating for anyone because you were so looking forward to finally getting something done. Your expectations were incorrectly set and that is always uncomfortable. But when one of those children you dropped off is fighting cancer, there's a whole additional layer of stress and worry that comes with leaving.
I was beyond frustrated and it was obviously not THAT big of a deal. But after being interrupted constantly, repeating myself constantly, and constantly doing so much for everyone else, I'd had it. Plus, I was worried about leaving my 5 year old alone in case there was an issue or she felt yucky.
Once I picked him up and dropped him off, I called my mom to vent. She reminded me that while frustrating, it wouldn't last forever. And while she is right, that also doesn't take away from the fact that those moments can sometimes be crippling (for me and my anxiety anyway). The important thing though, and the reason why I'm sharing this, is because I allowed myself to feel that frustration. I let myself sit with it for a bit to figure out what was actually going on. I was feeling indignant because I didn't get my uninterrupted "me time." I was tired of doing things for everyone else and deeply wanted to work on something for myself. Now, if I hadn't been going to therapy for the last couple years, I would have probably blown up on my husband and wasted the day being mad at him and the rest of my family. But after some time passed, I was able to move past it. I went right back to the same table and continue working on my new painting despite having less time than I'd hoped.
Everyone has tough times and unfortunately, there's no manual for how to handle every situation. We all have boiling points and occasionally say and do things we don't mean. The goal though, I think, is to work through them and eventually be able to navigate these situations with a better mindset or approach.
I want you to know, your feelings are valid and no one can take that away from you. They are YOUR feelings. My point is, allow yourself to feel what you feel. Let yourself be mad, angry, frustrated, sad, etc. even when people tell you that it's not a big deal. It's helped me get through a year of my daughter's cancer diagnosis (along with a lot of therapy), and I hope that maybe it helps you too. Regardless, whatever you're going through, it won't last forever.
Here's to us being validated by ourselves, and to new paintings coming soon! 🍻
Xoxo,
Jena
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